so there goes another year

Obviously my imagination isn't that great... I don't remember this entire past year except it was all migraine and allergy problems. August through October was one constant Migraine, the back of my head just constantly hurt. It only stopped after my week in San Diego (first week of November). As soon as I got back to Oklahoma I got sick and have only had four days I can remember that I actually felt good since.
Benadryl, Pseudoephedrine, Zyretec, Claritin, 4 different nasal sprays, antibiotics 4 different times for sinus infections and still no relief. In fact it has only gotten worse. Just got special allergy detergent and spray that apparently I am allergic to... :-(
I just don't even know what my options are anymore...
Have to move, but do I rent workshop space, buy a small condo that I can HEPA filter or move to San Diego? I can't afford to do what I want, and can't think clear enough to work for it.
How can I survive another year of this?

#Occupy_OKC is happening and I just found out this evening. I just found out about the whole #OccupyWallStreet thing!!! I don't watch the news because it's just depressing. I so want to be apart of this movement. For so many years I have been upset about the need of money, the need of a car to get around. Here in Oklahoma City there are no sidewalks, no mass transit systems. Just yesterday I was dreaming of a high speed rail system between states. It's all a vicious cycle... Money begets greed begets money! 
I just need to go down there after work with my camera and take some pictures...

http://www.occupyokc.com/
http://www.facebook.com/OccupyOKCOfficialPage

The summer of long shadows.

The sun was always tilted, the shadows were long and solemn like winters mood never lifted. I ignored that fact and drank until it didn't matter.

I hide in the shade and talk to no one. A whisper from the trees... 

They tell me secrets, things I should never know.

Can I hide with the trees till next summer? 

I will pry back some bark and crawl in to be cozy when the snow falls again.

I heard that fairies hide their dreams in the bark of the trees. Be careful not to get a nightmare by mistake, it will taunt you every night till you can never get to sleep.

(photography by James R. King)

Give me a piece of that Kit Kat bar

Nothing is special. Everything is a waste. I seem to only come here when I'm severely pissed off at the world. <:-( What the hell!!! I am so tired of living in boring Oklahoma... It just feels like all the creativity is censored to an inkling and then you are yelled at by christians till you don't want to leave the house anymore. I'm just ranting, but at least I can get some of this out.

I want someone special in my life but the guys I like either don't like me or live 1000 miles away. I'm about to turn 40 and have been single for way to long. My car is about to blow up and I just started paying on my student loans so a new car is out for now. I did get a nice raise at work but how long till I get bored/tired of dealing with that? Hopefully a long time because I really do like the people I work for. The job itself... well I'm dealing with it for now.

Maya Angelou is in the background telling me how grateful I am for what I do have and what I can achieve if I get to work. Work hard for everything and make it special.
Well then there is my health/energy level... Defiantly not enough energy for what I want to accomplish. Mornings are not my friend so getting started early is usually a flop. My allergy shots are helping with a lot this past year, not many migraines for once. I still get sick to easily and fatigue just stops me every evening.

Well, I need to turn my phone back on and stop ignoring all the people in my life. They have some weird quirks and it frustrating to deal with them. I just need/needed a break!

Everything is grey.

Allergy hell. The harder I try to create the weaker I become. I'm just tired all the time and can't think clearly enough to follow through all the projects piled up around me. :-( All the spring shows are coming up that I wanted to be in but I have nothing to show. I can't go on functioning like this, sad sad state.

I have tickets to see Lady Gaga Monday night in Tulsa and I'm forcing myself to go no matter how much my head hurts or how tired I am.

asblarg!!

So school work is slowly getting me out of my rut, that and not working retail anymore. Thats a good move forward.
Today I looked up Nick Knight the photographer because I he did the Vanity Fair photo shoot of Lady Gaga a couple month ago, and wow I knew I loved him. :-) I remember seeing his photos in magazines years ago and having my breath taken away. That scene of fantasy dream land that first inspired me to be a photographer before I knew how to verbalize it... So that was inspiring to connect the dots of an old puzzle that I left unfinished years ago. Why do I not have a digital SLR yet??? man I am lagging. oh yeah, money!
Well it was nice to see the bit picture again... If it was brief and among a whirl wind of to-do's and homework. Join AIGA of Oklahoma, attend the Ok Ad club Career day next week... I just want to kiss my lover to the sound of Lady Gaga

Rediscovering my imagination

Date 7-30-2010

Rediscovering my imagination,

So I have been in a rut that not even school could get me out of. I am either battling idiots at a supposedly stress free job or allergies that try to kill me. Finally Lady Gaga's concert came around and loved it so much my friend and I got tickets to her Dallas show. And even still I want to see her again and again. I have listened to nothing but her albums since. I have been put in a fantastic dream state that I don't want to end. I even tried to get my return flight from Orlando changed to Kansas City and catch her show there. Who cares if I had to walk back to Oklahoma City.

Even though I am so evoked by her dreamy show and story I have to force myself to listen to different music. I miss her! Her? Really? More like the freedom to scream my lungs out and jump till my legs hurt. Even as hard as it was to see over people on the crowded floor I was still mesmerized by the speckle.

Now I need to create! Keep the energy flowing into some creativity. Create high fashion costumes to wear at halloween at least. I have to keep that energy flowing over to my graphic design, stained glass and stop motion animation that I want to learn.

A goal (or dream) is to work for her some day creating an animation video for one of her songs. Just an album cover even... Which ever this little monster has some work to do. After this amazing summer of Gaga, Dallas, Orlando and making some amazing new friends it is achievable.